Unbite My Tongue

2011-01-05T12:42:00.000-08:00

I know I need to get myself a walllet, Die die want a Redmoon! :(

2011-01-01T12:03:00.000-08:00

While I have been unintentionally neglecting this dusty blog of mine, so much has been happening lately. I haven't been able to log in and blog. Now that I can, I'm proud to introduce my first and my last girlfriend, Fatin Amira. Happy 18th birthday princess. :D

2010-10-12T12:13:00.000-07:00

This album is sick! No one can do trance as good as him. Doubtlessly the best in the business.

2010-10-10T08:16:00.000-07:00

Don't bring me down, I pray.

Now that I found you, stay.

2010-09-28T12:05:00.000-07:00

I may be nobody.

But right now,

I feel like I'm

on top of the world.

2010-09-22T13:28:00.000-07:00

There was a time when dad kept boasting about how well I could play football, when I was worthy of wearing the national colors.

There was also a time when mum saw me as the one with the brains, when I was smart enough to be enrolled into a class full of geeks.

Little did they know I was going to become who I am now. Nobody.

I was so used to being the best at everything I do. Why didn't anyone remind me, that nothing is perfect?

I tried too hard to be perfect. Such greed. Now God's teaching me how to accept defeat. And the lessons just keep on coming.

2010-09-20T12:36:00.001-07:00

I'm in love again.

Not with you.

With this song.

And funny video.

Favourite!

2010-09-19T11:43:00.000-07:00

Budak-Budak Bujang Pte Ltd

Girls, choose one? :D

Oh, there's more not in the picture.

2010-09-17T01:22:00.000-07:00

I want long hair. I won't cut it till NS.

2010-09-10T09:06:00.000-07:00

I worked for 23 hours in the ship. Reached home at nine in the morning of Hari Raya. So excuse the panda eyes.

Selamat Hari Raya to all! Hate me or love me, I sincerely seek my forgiveness in all of you for my wrongdoings. Maaf zahir dan batin. Enjoi.

2010-09-07T00:51:00.000-07:00

2010-09-07T00:48:00.000-07:00

When it's not easy at all, it's easier to pretend.

Goodbye.

2010-08-31T16:32:00.002-07:00

Of all the bad people, liars are

rated just below sluts. So don't lie.

You're close to being a slut.

I love it when I find out someone lie to me.

It's fun to just stay cool and act like I don't know.

Let the games begin.

Because I always think revenge is very sweet indeed.

Karma is my good friend.

If revenge won't get you, Karma will.

2010-08-30T03:54:00.000-07:00

My last shot at you

2010-08-29T00:08:00.000-07:00

Nudie Flare Glenn made my day. :D

2010-08-26T09:04:00.000-07:00

Macam dah lamer giler tak gi dating. Hehehe..

2010-08-19T09:08:00.000-07:00

(Y)

2010-08-18T04:35:00.000-07:00

These are ma movie peeps. Hope to see u guys on Saturday. Can't wait for The Expandables.

Last Saturday was a big dissapointment though. Bad market huh? Well, it still feels good when parents are not at home and we can do whatever we want, within 4 walls and closed doors. Absolute freedom!

2010-08-17T07:14:00.000-07:00

Tiesto says,

"Love will come again"

2010-08-15T23:22:00.000-07:00

Grrr...

2010-08-08T11:12:00.000-07:00

Dope Shit

Cool Shit

SHIT

2010-07-28T08:20:00.000-07:00

When I sleep, its always important to dream.

Because now, that's the only time I can

feel your presence and your touch.

Only in my dreams.

In reality, you will always

love someone else.

2010-07-25T01:50:00.000-07:00

The reason I love watching movies is because every movie I watch teaches me about life. This one will fuck your mind upside down. Simply 5 stars for Inception, 5 stars for Chris Nolan, 5 stars for Leonardo Di Caprio and 5 stars for Ellen Page. This one's worth a second and even a third watch.

2010-07-18T02:32:00.001-07:00

This is the shit, man!

2010-07-18T02:25:00.000-07:00

Every simple act and every single choice we make everyday determines

our future. I wanna live my future knowing if I'll be given a chance to

time-travel, I won't change anything about my past.

2010-07-12T13:04:00.000-07:00

This team played over 30 matches. No defeat, not even a draw. All win.

This team should have won the World Cup.

Art Fuck, don't you miss thrashing teams claiming the are the best?

Lets go get some teams to bully.

I miss those times. Sometimes I wish I can have my old life back.

Its hard to be happy, the older I get.

2010-07-11T14:56:00.000-07:00

Howard Webb, fcuk you very much.

2010-07-06T12:03:00.000-07:00

Girl, you know you drive me crazy.
One look puts the rhythm in my hand.
Still I'll never understand why you hang around.
I see what's going down.

Cover up with make up in the mirror.
Tell yourself its never gonna happen again.
You cry alone and then she swears she loves you.

Do you feel like a man when you push her around?
Do you feel better now as she falls to the ground?
Well, I'll tell you my friend, one day this world's gonna end.
As your life crumbles down, a new life she has found.

A pebble in the water makes a ripple effect.
Every action in this world will bear a consequence.
If you wade around forever you will surely drown.
I see what's going down.

I see the way you go and say you're right again.
Say you're right again, heed my lecture.

Face down in the dirt, she said, "this doesn't hurt"?
She said, "I've finally had enough."

One day she will tell you she has had enough.
It's coming round again.

-Red Jumpsuit Apparatus-Face Down

2010-07-05T12:14:00.001-07:00

Can't help reading your text over and over again. Fuck those empty promises, those lies. I don't know what you're up to now or what's running through your mind. Friends tell me they pity me and its sad to hear my situation. I wonder why the girl I love the most treats me the worst. But hey, besides losing you and all that has been sacrificed to make this work, I have nothing else to lose. You love me too much? I may love you so much too, can't deny. But I also know your darkest secrets. You probably liked it. Thats why you're back for more. Is she like Pepsi to you? "Ask for more." Go on, live with your mistakes. You know you're gonna regret this. You said that yourself.

And I can't help loving the way this hurts. Sorry, I used to be a nice guy. But being nice is just so overrated. So don't blame me for this. You know you only have yourself to blame.

2010-07-04T11:40:00.000-07:00

I always search happiness at the wrong places. And now I get myself into this shit. I just miss being happy again. I don't like to play pretend.

2010-06-20T03:54:00.000-07:00

Sorry for not updating. Some things are just better left unsaid. Its been an adventure lately. Just when you thought you know life well enough, you start to learn much much more every single day. Life's so beautiful. I thank God for everything and everyone I have. I appreciate every blessing and every knock down make me stand up stronger. So I thank God for that too. Besides, everything happens for a reason. For good reasons, I believe so. Well, its hard to smile these days. But I know one day I'll be where I want to be. I know this long moment of downturn in my life only means that something bright is waiting for me in the future. If there's anymore strength left in me, its faith. Nothing is as stubborn as my guts. Yeah, currently I'm nobody. No school, no job, no money. And still no girlfriend. Haha! 19 years single and still running. Proud of myself. But its ironic how I have nothing but more and more stuffs start crawling in my brain. I want something to do. Something to keep me committed. I miss competitive football. I miss my childhood dream. Too bad I can't play like I used to anymore. If I can't get a good job anytime soon, I want to get myself to serve the nation as soon as possible. That will surely keep me occupied. For now, I really need something. Maybe a getaway. Sometimes my temptations take control of me. Till then, take care peeps.

2010-06-20T01:24:00.000-07:00

Sweet disposition

Never too soon

Oh reckless abandon

Like no one's watching you

A moment, a love,

a dream, a laugh,

a kiss, a cry,

our rights, our wrongs

Just stay there

Cause I'll be coming over

And while our bloods still young

Its so young

It runs

And I wont stop till its over

Wont stop till you surrender

Songs of desperation

I played them for you

A moment, a love,

a dream, a laugh,

a kiss, a cry,

our rights, our wrongs

- Temper Trap-Sweet Disposition

2010-06-06T12:27:00.000-07:00

Dear love, if I make you my first, will you be my last?

2010-05-25T11:21:00.000-07:00

Take care bro. I guess we'll be missing you. Till I see you again, best friend of my life.

2010-05-16T11:20:00.000-07:00

Cool shit! Singapore, why so slow?

2010-05-13T10:06:00.000-07:00

Hey, you. Smile. Because that's the second best thing you can do with your lips.

2010-05-05T13:28:00.000-07:00

7 May is less than 2 days away. Fedde Le Grand and Steve Aoki spinning on the same night. So get your Dim Maks and Chucks ready for the weekend.

And happy birthday, Eddie baby! :D

2010-05-03T12:38:00.000-07:00

"To get something you never had, you have to do something you never did."

"When Allah takes something from your grasp. He's not punishing you but merely opening your hands to recieve something better."

"The will of Allah will never take you to where the Grace of Allah will not protect you."

Well, I've never believed in chain messages. But I just find this particular message very meaningful, applicable and it's something I have always believed in. It says something good will happen to me in a form of new job, bla bla bla. I did not forward it to any being. Not waking up for work today got Ah Poh real mad. But I get a new part-time job at Ayam Penyet Ria. Just a few hours after reading the message. Haha!

Ya Allah, walk through my house and take away all my worries and illnesses. And please watch over and heal my family and loved ones.

I'm nineteen. Technically, my last teenage year. And it's that period of time where I actually start to really think about what I really want in life. I really do think a lot these days. NS. Studies. I need a new definition for 'joy' so I can stop ruining my life. Life's a journey. Throughout this interesting journey of mine, perhaps I need a partner who would make it all so meaningful.

Dearest mysterious, you make me wanna dive deeper.

You got so much potential to make me drown so bad.

But it's a risk I've been longing to take.

It has been a fight already.

So much controversy.

Too bad, I coped so well.

2010-04-27T11:00:00.000-07:00

You, make me wanna do it all over again.

You, make me forget all the pain I had to go through,

the last time I fell for someone.

You, make me wanna forget all the fun in the world.

You, make me wanna be a better man.

You, make me wanna be there for you,

everytime you need me to.

You, make me wanna do anything,

just to put a smile across your face.

You, make me wanna care and share everything I can.

Yeah, ironic and crazy it may be.

But this feeling is irresistably true.

Liars, go take a look at yourself.

I know what you're up to.

So keep talking bitches.

I don't care cos nothing else matters anymore.

This one is for real.

2010-04-25T13:00:00.000-07:00

Maybe it's crazy to feel this

way so early. I myself

wonder. Maybe I love you

already. Dearest, I'm sincere,

I'm sorry and I promise. I

really can't afford to lose you.

2010-04-11T11:51:00.000-07:00

2010-04-07T01:36:00.000-07:00

The Raglans: Air Mesh Black/Yellow. Hehe..

2010-04-04T10:53:00.000-07:00

Credits: skinnygirll.tumblr

2010-03-30T01:52:00.000-07:00

Surf life goes on beyond the day's last swells; having balance, vision and respect for Mother Nature is a way of life.

The Raglans(Vans) is now first in the list for my collection of footwear.

2010-03-28T00:33:00.000-07:00

Nothing left for me to say
There's no more wicked games to play
It's time for me to walk away
I am alright

I feel like I'm on a high
A new begining that is my life
I'm turning to the rythm of the night
I am alright

The music is making me growing
The only thing that keeps me awake is me knowing
There's no one here to break me or bring me down
There's no one here to hurt me or fool around

I have no more time for you to hurt my feelings
Done enough to prove I'm all that I believe in
We are at the end, no more stupid lies
I'm better off without you here by my side

So now there is no longer you and I

Don't care what other people say
I know you fool around all day
No, it doesn't hurt me anyway
I am alright

And when the day turns into night
I'm in the club forgetting you and I
And when I think of how you treated me
You proved me right

So now there is no longer you and I

There is no longer you and I

Medina-You And I

2010-03-25T23:14:00.000-07:00

Dear mum, I've been wasting your money for 4 semesters in this polytechnic. I don't wanna waste your money anymore. At this period of my life, it's impossible to have interested in studies. Everything's bothering me. I need time to decide what I really want to do. But how do I tell you?

I guess I'll text her later. Now, who's ready for Marco V?

2010-03-07T07:27:00.000-08:00

It's not just a lock-up. There's an extremely high chance I won't be able to see him for a long time. He's my only brother. My mind is so bothered.

2010-03-06T22:25:00.000-08:00

Its been real hectic recently. Worked everyday. Friday, I started off at Pan Pacific Hotel, 7am in the morning. Then went straight to continue at Resorts World which ended at midnight where I then went to PSA for my first lashing job. That was the most tiring job ever and it lasted till 7pm would you believe? 16 hours of hard labour in that stupid stuffy cargo ship, lashing up big cars and lorries. So in total, I had about 35 working hours in one single day. Oh wait, that's more than one day. Sape nak challenge? Syah and Zika don't call me robocop for nothing. Even a robot will explode after 35 hours of non-stop work.

Backaches, muscle cramps, headaches, and many more. So cancelled my plan to go Zouk cos I thought I should be in deep sleep upon reaching home. But guess what. I went to drink instead. And then went flat in bed right after. Woke up and brother bear is already in lock up. I kinda feel fortunate for not joining them at Zouk. Someone please bail him out! Our family have had enough of our troubles.

2010-03-02T10:56:00.000-08:00

Look at that. Literally broken into two.

Well, football is a true passion. Doubltlessly the best sport in the world. But the injuries can scare the fuck out of you. It can turn into a lifetime phobea.

Best wishes to Aaron Ramsey. Have a speedy recovery. I guess I know how it feels.

2010-02-24T07:26:00.000-08:00

2010-02-22T08:13:00.000-08:00

Okay, firstly steamboat with the Westwoodians at Kiong's was almost awesome. It would be awesome if we had not played that stupid Circle Of Death game.

And people, stop asking. Yeah, I can walk already. Don't stop me from working. I'm doing just fine. I've been drinking everyday without fail for a week already. I don't know why. I should stop or I'll become an alcoholic real soon. Or shouldn't I?

So Sunday was birthday. Yeah, who cares. I don't really celebrate birthdays to be honest. Went to chill at Taka garden right after work. Shadam hooked us up with Bacardi he got from work. Finished the whole big bottle in 5minutes. So brother bear and me were already high even before we reached there. And then we kept drinking with the rest for hours. All kinds of alcohol. Smirnoff, Amsterdam, Tiger and many more. Then I woke up and found myself laying on the floor in the middle of town. That was 6 am. I went straight to work with bro, Ali, Hafiz, Heidi and Ila. Worked OT for 13 hours in total. Mad! That was the most tiring day of work ever, without doubt.

So I had 17 hours of peaceful sleep after that. Hah! Worse than babi. And exam's at 9am later. Just a few more hours to go. This will be the biggest paper in my entire time spent at Ngee Ann. And guess what. I've not started studying yet. Its fuckin 12midnight already. Srew me!

2010-02-11T09:03:00.001-08:00

Seems as if my wardrobe's been robbed. Again. Where are my clothes?! I have to get myself a new set of clothes.

Top: Dim Mak? RVCA? Quolomo? (Ok, I want all 3.)
Jeans: Boot-Cut from Pull and Bear? Or try Nudie/Cheap Monday?
Shoes: Toms? Or another Vans?

And fuck! I used to have variety of slippers. Almost all stolen. Midnight thieves, go fuck yourselves!

And yeah I wanna MP3. Music's been my loyal companion.

So where do I dig for that much money? Can I work when I can't even walk? FML.
But I'll probably be able to walk in about 1 or 2 weeks so I need job offers, people!

And fuck yeah, I think I wasted my time doing decently for the previous common test. Cause this time round, this attitude of mine I screwed up all papers.

2010-02-10T06:51:00.000-08:00

Yo, peeps! This is a must see! This is

what they actually did to my knee.

Fcuk fcuk fcuk! Freakingly digusting!

And I only found out now. Eeee!!!

Warning: Not for the faint-hearted.

No. Fcuk it pussies! Just watch!

And go search for "ACL recon animation" on youtube. I can't embed that one. It is more detailed and clearer view. Damn! I didn't know they literally drilled through my bones various times! Okay, enough already. I've been watching ACL videos all night. I really need to start studying now!

2010-02-06T01:10:00.000-08:00

Its Calvin Harris' debut. Wrong timing dude. I can't possibly be ready for the weekend. :(

2010-02-03T00:25:00.000-08:00

-nuratikaabdullah.tumblr on 26.01.10

2010-02-03T00:00:00.000-08:00

Just in case you're wondering, this is how stinky I look after staying at home, stuck in my room, almost everyday.

Suppose school is hell for me. The slopes, the overhead bridge, the hills and the long stretches of staircases. On Monday, I was pespiring the whole day and I got blisters from using this crutches. That day made me swore I dont wanna go to school anymore. But today proved life as a handicapped doesn't have to be that hard. Though I don't like the attention and the uneccassary stares, I found out 'needy' students like me have the privilage of calling the guards to drive their buggy to wherever I wanna go in school. They are like my personal drivers. And, and, a good old friend of mine drove me back home in his 2-seater PORSCHE. Woooo! Sumpah best giler! (Fariss Haiqel Boulala likes this x101) I wanted to snap some photos but this friend of mine step low-profile so I didn't, also being the reason why I'm not revealing his name. (Y)

I miss a lot of things.

I miss midnight trips to Boon Lay Nasi Lemak Power.

I miss football.

I miss walking.

I miss hanging out with my friends.

I miss a lot of people.

I miss Zouk.

And I'm gonna fcukin miss Calvin Harris.

A text message woke me up last night and I couldn't go back to sleep in peace. I just hope everything's gonna be fine, or at least somewhere near fine. Anyways, just in case the worst case scenario has to happen, I'm gonna miss Dam2 too. You better take real good care of yourself in there. Besides, I might have to endure the same experience anytime soon.

Okay people, till then, take care. Don't take drugs. Or vice versa.

2010-01-31T05:17:00.000-08:00

Here's the only amazing thing I did since my operation. I touched the moon with my crutches. First handicapped man to do so? Neil Armstrong, you better digg this!

My left limb is getting fatter and fatter. Like a balloon filled with blood. I ice it to reduce the swell but it seems to get worse. Baek uh!

Can I wake up and just start walking tmr? Its so difficult and boring to live like this!

2010-01-29T08:49:00.000-08:00

Coming Soon

Operation done. You won't see me around but get excited. Batman returns in 6months.

2010-01-27T09:12:00.000-08:00

I'm fasting already. Just a few hours before they put me to sleep and cut my legs open. Pheeewwww.. I'm nervous. OMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMG!!! Sumpah aku takot! I can't sleep so anyone care to lefaks with me?

2010-01-26T08:58:00.000-08:00

I seriously don't know what's gonna happen to me tmr. Shout at me, cuff me, lock me up. Whatever. I don't give a shit. Just don't detain me any longer. I have an operation the day after tmr! I'm nervous already. Oh fcuk! Imagine the surgeon with the needle staring at me, knowing he's going to put me to sleep for hours. What if I can't wake up?! Even my mum can't wake me up every morning. Ahhhhhh!!!! So nerved, I'm falling sick already.

2010-01-25T09:55:00.000-08:00

I AM JOHNNY DEPP. LIVE WITH IT LOSERS.

2010-01-22T22:29:00.000-08:00

Important Dates: 270110, 280110.
Life's gonna change for a while.
I'll be missing big events.
So I wanna live this life to the fullest now.
I wanna enjoi cause its the last weekend before I get my hands cuffed again and my knee operated. And school's being such a bitch right now. Wrong timing.
But fcuk it, lets do it!

2010-01-18T08:34:00.000-08:00

Recently, mum, grandma and aunt, all three cried in front of me, because of me. How can I not be stressed out? And I have so many other stuffs to think about. People used to smile when they look at me. Mum used to boast about how well I'm doing in school. Dad used to boast about how well I can play football. And look what I've become now? Now they look at my face only to find themselves in tears.

And I fuckin lost my contacts again, so ma peeps, please text me and leave me your name. Thanks.

2010-01-15T08:22:00.000-08:00

I was handcuffed, locked up and detained for 10 hours. I'm retiring for good. 10 hours in that cell felt like 20hours. I could count how many ants were there. I can't imagine how prison is like. But what the hell. I'll just hope for the best. What happened, already happened. Nothing can be done now other than praying. What happens will happen. Then let it be. The start of 2010 is potentially the end of me. But I have balls to face whatever obstacles in my life. So fcuk it! Yeah, I'm depressed by this. But I just wanna enjoy my one life while I'm on bail.

2010-01-12T11:50:00.000-08:00

Besar nye Setan!

Kene petir jugak.

2010-01-11T08:11:00.000-08:00

Yeah, I got my hair cut. Didn't go exactly to plan but hell yeah. I'm feeling great so who cares. I always spend my very last cent on my weekends. I actually have to smoke stormking on weekdays. What a loser. Same old story. Boulala's broke again. Here's how you can help: You know the HOTline. Recommend him a decent part-time job. Something for after-school hours. Peace out!

2010-01-10T00:18:00.000-08:00

Axwell. Zouk. Awesome.

Weekdays, I go to school. Saturdays, I leave the world behind. Sundays, I'm in bed dreaming about Saturday.

2010-01-08T12:59:00.000-08:00

Someone tell me where the fart can I get these in Singapore.

2010-01-06T07:47:00.000-08:00

Khan hooked me up with a true masterpiece. All hail the Bloody Beetroots and Steve Aoki! Well I don't post videos on this blog but all you need to do is click the friggin link. So gogogo! Or Aoki will haunt your dreams tonight. Wooo..

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2DO6Y9_5e7A

2010-01-05T10:09:00.000-08:00

2010-01-03T09:10:00.000-08:00

Its not a good start to a new year. I'm as patient as I can be. I don't get pissed out of nothing. I don't beat people up for fun. You know me long enough. I treat you as a brother all along. I appreciate everything you do for me. I have absolutely no grudge for you. I love all my friends. But tonight, you asked for it. I never thought I'd do this to a friend as close as you. I'm sorry. My anger took the better of me. Ice up and please get well soon.

2010-01-02T11:57:00.000-08:00

The last photos of 2009.

Happy 2010!

2010-01-01T04:40:00.000-08:00

I had one hell of a night. But most importantly, I had one hell of a year. I had everything packed into 2009. Ups and downs, events affecting the rest of my life, experimenting new stuffs and lifetime memories.

2009 would make a great movie. I've watched myself on international stage, I've watched my dreams shattered, I've watched my hopes crushed, I've watched my future hanging on a thread, I've watched people changed, I've watched myself changed. And surely I got myself welcomed into the real world.

On the bright side, out of all 18 years of my life, this year taught me the most. I've learned why I can't have everything, I've learned to make sacrifices, I've learned to accept setbacks, I've learned to be professional, I've learned to be independent, I've learned to live without money, I've learned how to work my own sweat out for money, I've learned why we should only trust ourselves, I've learned how to differentiate what's fantasy and what's real, what's forever and what's temporary, I've learned why we make mistakes, I've learned how to put myself in people's shoes, I've learned how to understand and I've learned why some things are just not meant to be.

Surely, life is about give and take. I've been giving. Now I wanna start taking. So here are my resolutions:

Get my car license, this time for real.
Pass all modules, retain no more.
Get my operation done, asap.
Get both feet back into football, come back stronger.
Go for loads of overseas trips.
Try new stuffs, live psychedelic.
Make friends.
Stay friends with people I know.
Stop depending on people.
Find happiness within me, not others
Have faith in me, not others.
Work for my own money.
Work hard, play harder.
Make my family proud.

This is that one period of life where time flies by without even realising. I wanna make it worth watching. 17 and 18 made a world of a difference. Lets see how much difference 18 and 19 can make.

2009-12-29T08:26:00.000-08:00

Oh, look at ugly me. Waterfug happened last night? Anyways, happy birthday Zaffan Zika. A true brother, a true partner-in-crime.

2009-12-27T18:29:00.000-08:00

It's 10am and I just woke up. I'm supposed to wake up at 7 for work. 5o bucks into the bin! Fark!

2009-12-24T22:42:00.000-08:00

Someone I know is slowly becoming someone I knew.

Rule No 5: "Show no love. Love will get you killed."

-Get Rich Or Die Trying

2009-12-22T09:20:00.000-08:00

I've been neglecting something I haved loved since I was only 60 centimetres tall. Here's a little update on my dearest Football. So my torn ACL knee since the 3rd day of raya made me miss big opportunities to grow into a more professional, matured footballer. Yeah, things could be much better if I didn't make that knee-twisting tackle. On the bright side, maybe it could have been worse. Oh, no, I don't think so. I can't think of any sports injury worse than this. Even a fractured leg takes shorter time to recover. So hell yeah!

That incident made me conclude the end of my barely-started career and I decided to pursue a surgery to fix my permanently damaged knee. Unfortunately I got myself fed-up just waiting for my next appointment. My operation supposed to be over already. I'm supposed to be on cruthces now and doing rehab. But the friggin doctors and my own physio seemed to be indifferent about the surgery and they keep delaying appointments. Now I'm beginning to consider not to go for the surgery. They are wasting too much time. And suprisingly I recieve offers from a few clubs despite my injury. Which actually made me re-consider quiting football. Upon National Football Academy Graduation, I'm currently training with Balestier Khalsa FC where the contract is quite appealing. Woodlands Wellingtons FC would give me an instant contract but I decide to ditch the Rams instead. Yeah, money makes footballers go round. And a few compatriots are pulling me into Gombak United but I think, maybe, I'll just stay put at Balestier. I played one friendly for them and trained once with them. One only. Haha! Thats when I twisted my already injured knee real bad. I woke up this morning with a swollen knee, as big as Shadam's.

Now it's back to limping everyday, back to icing everynight and back to awkward sleeping positions. Just like 3 months ago. Used to this, no worries. Balestier have appointed a few players for medical check-up including me tmr morning. So I'll be limping my way to Yio Chu Kang very early tmr. It's pre-season and beep test comes instantly upon passing the medical, which I doubt I will pass with a useles knee like this one. So sign me or not, I'm just giving Football a chance. The outcome doesn't matter. I think I already got one foot back into Football.

2009-12-21T10:12:00.000-08:00

Time changed us. I can't make you happy anymore. I can't see you smile again like old times. But to know that far away, you're happy now, smiling, is at least good enough. I had my heartaches but I still remember our good times. Maybe that one great mistake caused it all. Maybe it was never mean't to be. I swear I never wanted to let go. But I really tried to mend things. I put my heart and soul on high wire. It was meant to fall. Somehow, there's always a reason to feel not good enough. This time, lets make this for good. No point running in circles. Its time to look forward to 2010. New year, new me, new life. I'll keep pursuing happiness.

Remember you promised to tell me when you've found someone better.

2009-12-20T07:09:00.000-08:00

Well there's always Saturday nights. There's always Art-Fuck and many more.

2009-12-18T20:18:00.000-08:00

Fuck life before life fuck you. Enjoy the rest of this fucked up year. Then make improvisations when 2010 comes.

2009-12-16T08:47:00.000-08:00

Like a burning candle, the flame brightens up the room while melting its wax and slowly dying off.

2009-12-14T07:36:00.000-08:00

I'm so hungry, but I don't have appetite for even one bite of any kind of food. And my hands are shivering just typing and even holding on to the phone. I can only manage short replies. I need rest but I just can't sleep. Somehow, I'm so pissed. Pain, I really feel like dying. But I have to work tmr morning.

2009-12-12T10:11:00.000-08:00

If I were to tell you everytime I miss you, that would be every single day. But at the same time, I'm doing my best just to stop hoping. Cos you've got so much potential to kill.

2009-12-11T11:32:00.001-08:00

I screwed today's Project Management paper. The next paper is in 7 days time. Meanwhile, I need a reward after being a good boy for a few days. NFA Graduation tmr afternoon. And then I'm probably ditching ZoukOut. So what's up tmr peeps? Any other ideas for a Saturday night?

2009-12-10T01:30:00.000-08:00

2009-12-07T20:17:00.000-08:00

Today, I woke up from 6 hours of sleep at 8am. But I woke up from 2 years of sleep at 930am.

Today, I realised all this while, topping the class in PSLE and getting top 20% in O levels, I never did it for myself. I've never been interested in my studies and I never really care what I'm gonna work as when I become a working adult one day. I'm doing it for someone who's putting so much hopes in me, someone who has to go through so much pain in her life, someone who has been shedding tears almost everyday, someone I have loved all my life and someone I will always love. I walked a mile in her shoes and I know how it feels. I know I don't show it but only God knows. So I vow to make her smile again. I just want to see her happy and make her proud. Cos no one knows how much this family have gone through.

So yeah, fuck off. I'm busy.

Remember when I walked you home?
Remember my promises to you?
Please do.
While I fulfill it.

2009-12-07T06:51:00.000-08:00

Juliet Tan's such a bitch. I really wanna complete my diploma as soon as possible. But come to think of it, withdrawal might be a better option. Cos I don't know if I have the will to go on for 2 more friggin years. And I have to decide by tmr, 930am.

2009-12-06T06:25:00.001-08:00

Yesterday was quite a dissapointment. Perhaps, the next time I need more.

That aside, I really have to wake up tomorrow.

Though its true, sometimes I feel the need to apologise for being me, for showing too much.

Maybe you just cross my mind too often.

2009-12-04T07:58:00.000-08:00

For all the things I've done, Karma's haunting me. I can see my future, my life crushing down on me. But I've got no one else to blame other than myself. Education's a bitch.

Don't tell me what to do.

2009-12-03T09:38:00.001-08:00

One fucked up day won't fuck the whole week up. I know just how to end the week with a smile. So yeah, pack your bags, leave the house all to myself. I'll be a good boy when next week comes.

You are my sunshine.

My only sunshine.

You make me happy,

when skies are grey.

You'll never know dear,

how much I love you.

So please don't take,

my sunshine away.

2009-12-01T10:44:00.000-08:00

2009-11-28T11:57:00.000-08:00

Sometimes hanging out with friends brings us into real deep conversations. Opinions are meant to be shared. Advices are meant to be welcomed. But at the end of the day, I know myself best. Only I know what I want.

I'd be lying to say I'm not hoping. I have all my hopes on one. Risky I know, but I just can't help it. Only one can me make feel this way. And only one beautiful word with four letters can explain. I've tried with or without this. In a certain way, it has become a commitment. People come telling me I'm too nice and that I'm putting myself in frustration. I say its because I always believe in karma. So I want to treat people the way I want people to treat me. A couple of times, she claims I'm her best, still her best. But I don't succumb to complacency. Besides one moment you can be on top, the next moment you can be rock bottom. So I'm always mentally prepared. Still, I vow to faith and eternity.

17 is young. Gone through it. One year makes a big difference for me. So go explore but don't drift too far. Yeah, live your life your way. Cos I'm doing the same. Your every single smile is my happiness.

You really are my ecstasy, my real life fantasy.

2009-11-27T10:29:00.000-08:00

Wooo... Love triangle. I think I really digg this, Clem. Loafers, my eyes are on you.

And if you realise, I changed my 'about me' section. Solid, don't you think? So me.

2009-11-26T08:55:00.000-08:00

Selamat Hari Raya Haji peeps! Here's some considerable thoughts for post raya celebration plans. Another heavyweight is in town. So if you're not planning to just lay back on a Saturday night, Laidback Luke's hitting Zouk. I think he really looks like Samir Nasri.

And oh, if you're wondering, I'm not a party animal or whatever you call it. I'm just in love with House.

2009-11-24T09:55:00.000-08:00

Show me those tiny round objects and I'm ready to roll. It just feels like the time.

2009-11-22T09:11:00.000-08:00

With the month of December just a blink away, there's a million reasons why I'm actually desperate for money.

2009-11-21T10:26:00.000-08:00

Benny Benassi is blasting his masterpieces in Zouk right now, while I'm at home trying to sleep while listening to his tracks on repeat. Just got my hair trimmed. And I look like an idiot. Brother Bear! I need improvisations tomorrow. Or I'll shave your eyebrows while you're asleep.

Someone's still up nagging from the living room. Old people just don't get it, do they? I really feel like running far away, for a long long time. If only my printer can print money.. So if I go missing one fine day, don't get all so paranoid and no need to dial the cops. I'll be alright, having the time of my life. And oh, how long must I wait for my operation?!

2009-11-19T08:51:00.000-08:00

Benny Benassi in Singapore.

2009-11-18T08:19:00.000-08:00

Dearest Almighty, lighten up her dimmest nights, let her be herself again, bless her with the energy and health she used to have, put a smile across her face. And I swear I'll smile along. Amin.

2009-11-16T10:27:00.000-08:00

Nothing is as annoying as I can't sleep again.

And nothing is as irresistable as I miss you again.

Nothing as true as us.