I, Fariss Haiqel Boulala came to life on 21st February 1991, only God knows why.
Since then, Bengali, Malay, Chinese, Javanese, and football are in my blood.
I'm 1.82metres tall. I'm not heavy but I consider myself a heavyweight in my own world.
I do anything I want and I'll do anything to get what I want.
It's not that I can't accept defeat. I'm just born to win.
I'm as ambitious as Hitler. Fear me not though. I'm a nice guy, really.
But try me if you insists. I would love that.
I feel that I'm nobody. I've been quite busy. So occupied with so many things especially school and soccer. I spend so much time on my 'commitments' but without the will to really commit. Sometimes, I ask myself. Why do I spend so much time in school but not producing results? Why do I train almost everyday but fail to perform well for the team? And ironically, it seems like I don't care. How can I not care about my commitment, my passion? I drag myself to training and I drag myself to school everyday. I'm sick and tired of what I do best. I know my potential but when will I ever shine? Am I just wasting my time? Or maybe it just takes time?
Everything I do go to waste. Nothing seems to go my way lately. I save up just to see my money go missing. I trust a family member just to get betrayed. I go for trainings just to play half a match. I go to school just to get borderline passes for my modules. I tried my best to spend time with my loved ones just to hear them complaining that I'm neglecting them. What's next? My loved ones leaving me after all this while? Don't you think my life is so predictable? The same things happen over and over again. Or am I just being plain negative?
I am not who I wanted to be. Not yet.
Love knows no limits. True friendship lasts a lifetime.
Wednesday, April 22, 2009
I've found my favourite lecturer. His name is Mr Goh She Poh. He looks untidy and he has a stomach four times bigger than a size 5 ball, which makes it size 20. Woah! Big right?! He can't talk properly and he mumbles his words. I don't think his English is powerful cos I've never really understand what he was talking. I don't know if he is a qualified lecturer. I think he is. But he don't look like one or sound like one. How did he even managed to graduate with a degree? Or didn't he? He teaches Environmental Health Management, a stupid module. As stupid as Mr Goh himself. No, I'm not being bad. Seriously, he's stupid. This module he is teaching us is almost like primary school's Health Education. I think it's useless in the working industry. Mr Goh reminds me of Mr Bean. He is my favourite because I can laugh non-stop for the whole hour of his lesson, unlike other lecturers' lessons. Definitely looking forward to his next lesson. Damn, I should have taken a picture of him just now! Sorry guys. No picture. Maybe next time.
Had a 3 hours of break. Yes, 3 freaking hours! So in an effort to kill time, we went to RP for lunch. Ended up returning to Ngee Ann half an hour late for tutorial. While we were leaving RP, almost reaching the traffic light, a man followed from behind. We were lighting up our cigarettes. And then he pulled us aside. He wanted to fine us $200 each for lighting a cigarette in the campus. I swear I thought I was already out of the campus. He initially thought we were RP first year students. But when he found out that we are NP second year students, he insisted on forwarding the matter to Ngee Ann. Step fierce sumore! So we kept arguing and were given a chance. Pheww.. Mane nak cekop 200 ketol?!
Sukashi is a busy girl.
Monday, April 20, 2009
It's the first day of my second year in NP. Lessons start at 3pm today, fortunately. I wouldn't wake up in time if it had started so early in the morning. No tutorials this week, which means lecture, lecture, lecture and more lectures. Boring, boring, boring and more borings. Baring sua! Tido! So I spent 3 boring hours in school today. The lecturers for Project Management and Property Management are so boring. I don't mind boring lecturers who are bulliable. Cos bullying lecturers makes the lessons not so boring. But these 2 lecturers seemed to be unbulliable and they look so serious. Woahhhh.. I'm so gonna sleep in the lecture theatre everyday. Not a good start for me. I initially wanted to be more diligent this semester but I don't think I can. Can I? I can. I think.
That's not the only bad thing. They changed my class. Again. For heaven's sake, how many times do they have to change my class and in the end, I'll end up in the same class? This is the third time already! Now, I have to write in to the class advisor and if my appeal is successful, they'll have to re-schedule my time table and all. And then my attendance record will be disrupted. Extremely troublesome. God, why do things just don't seemed to go my way lately? What have I done? Okay, I know. Probably a lot. Bad boy, Fariss.
I didn't go for training today and I didn't inform Coach Salim. Nevermind. I don't think I care anymore.
I'm in financial crisis. Seriously. And I have to buy lecture notes, buy new pair of boots and I'm running out of clothes. I think I'm applying for the busary scholarship thing. But the application process is so troublesome. Wow. School troubles me. I really hate school. So much to do, so little time. Fuck education! No need to educate la!! I'm smart enough to live.
And ermm.. Can someone tell me what time am I supposed to go to shool tmr?
Sukashi, let's meet up some time. Laugh with me or something. Streessss...
Sunday, April 19, 2009
School starts in a few hours. I hate school and I'm not looking forward to it.
Saturday, April 18, 2009
This week, a record is broken. A World Guiness Record. I attended all 5 trainings in a week for the very first time. And yet the outcome is dissapointing.
I wasn't named in the first eleven for the second time already. It's frustrating. Extremely frustrating. And we have not acheived any victory after 4 prime league matches. I'm sick of travelling from one end to another end of the island every single day. I'm tired of being second choice. Sometimes I feel being in the team is not doing me any good. Sometimes I feel it will bring me future opportunities. What's my next move?
Thursday, April 16, 2009
80% Angel 20% Devil
Monday, April 13, 2009
It's amazing how things change so suddenly. One minute, you feel things are beginning to go your way and the next minute, you're in doubt.
Imagine. Imagine you're in a race. You're all pumped up for it, willing to do anything for the gold. So you ran with all your might and at the halfway mark, you're leading, leaving other competitors quite far behind. Your confidence starts building up. You know you've gone far and you must win it. And then so suddenly, at that halfway mark, comes another competitor with a fresh pair of legs and a fresh set of lungs. He only needs to run the remaining distance of the race. That's not fair. Especially to you. It's against the rules. You get really frustrated. Deep inside, you're begging for the officials to disqualify him. But you can't do much. The decision is not in your hands. What would you do?
You've done so well and you've gone so far. Would you just give up and earn nothing in the end? No. You keep running. Finish the race and keep your eyes and mind on the gold. Physically, you're weaker than the other. But at this point of time, it's not about your lungs and legs anymore. It's your heart. How strong is your heart? How much do you want the gold?
It used to be, "Slow and steady wins the race." Now, it's, "Keep running. Batman never gives up."
Genggam bara api biar sampai jadi arang.
Sunday, April 12, 2009
Sometimes I wonder why is it have to be you. You're the nicest person around, the wisest I've known. I often disobey you. I've been rebellious for years. I make you worry all the time. Now, It's the other way. Whenever I'm out, I'm worried for you. I can't even enjoy myself. I miss having a peaceful mind.
Mr Evil, whoever you are, you just won't give up, will you? You keep coming back. It's been about 9 days already. Now when willl this end? Please stop. Go far away and never return. I can't bear anymore.
You're the strongest person I know. You've gone through so much and you always manage to fight your way out. You'll make it through again, I'm very sure. "Sesungguhnya, orang yang beriman itu akan selalu diuji"
Friday, April 10, 2009
I think it was a good Friday indeed. Not very excellent but okay lah. Not bad. Time well spent.
After about 2 hours of sleep, I woke up really early in the morn and got ready for our trip to Sentosa. I've been anticipating it a bit cos we haven't hit the beach for quite some time already. We were probably the most kecoh group there, rowdy as usual although all of us have not really slept yet. Managed to come up with our own fun activities. I mean, of course. ArtPark SC always have something up our sleeves, without fail. I think I enjoyed spending some quality time with them. The only thing missing was Dam Sachieeuuk. Wasted. It would be fifty times more fun if he had joined us. These boys kept saying I haven't been spending much time with them lately but I totally disagree. Walau eh! Satu hari kalau tak jumpe pon tak boleh pe?!
I left early for training at Simei. By then, I was already too tired. Fell asleep in the train. Was already late and I missed one stop. Woah! Frustrating. Then I fell asleep again while I was on my way back to the other end of Singapore.
I want to be named in the starting line-up for tomorrow's game. But looks like I might not. URGH! Dudok bench, pantat boleh tumboh kurap sak!
Glad that she seems to be fine now. Tomorrow?
Wednesday, April 8, 2009
I woke up from sleep really early this morning to go to work. Thought it would be great to earn a few extra bucks since I haven't been working for a really long time. But work was hell tiring and it ended at about 5pm so I didn't go for training. Again. Carried lots of heavy stuffs for hours and in the midst of working I actually thought I shouldn't have worked. I was so exhausted, I fell asleep in the lorry on the way back.
And just when I thought the day couldn't be any worse, something happened. Okay, not something. A few things actually. And they are still bothering me right now. I shall not explain because it's so disturbing, some of you won't even believe it. Now I don't know what to do. Cos there's really nothing much I can do. I feel like running away, take the easy way out. God, please help us kill this problem before it creates further problems. Problems that will have an impact in my life, my future. What have I done to deserve this? A lot, I guess.
Can anyone put me to sleep? I'm so tired but I just can't sleep. Anyways, thank you, Sukashi for being there for me. You're the best. :)
Where are you? I think I need you. Take me away. Take me high to the sky. Let me fly. Then drown my sorrows. Drown them deep.
Monday, April 6, 2009
Went for training today. Coach arrived late. Very late! Make us wait like budak bodoh. Cb! Training supposed to start early and end early. But we came early and finished gym late. Coach's excuse: " My apologies for being late. I was in the middle of negotiations with an S.League club. I'm just left with signing the contract. So when your new coach takes over in June, I wish you all the best." OKAYGO! Bye!
After training, this National sprinter wanted to pick up a fight with us. Step terror la kirekan. I don't really know what it was all about but I saw the commotion so I joined in the 'fun'. He talked a lot but I saw no action. Was just waiting for him to throw the first punch so I could rembat him. Dah standby siang2. Dah lamer tak rembat orang. "Sebelum ape2, kau kenal tak aku siape?!" Woooaaaahhhh!! Budak taik bodoh kau! Banyak cakap je, tapi takde pape pon. Then he backed off so we left. Just when we we were walking away. My coach shouted for us to come back and explain. So loud, the whole ITE Simei could hear his voice. Then that guy gave excuses, "I wanted to say that we are all in the same team, representing the same country. We wear the same flag so there's no need to fight. And then the soccer guys said we don't give a damn." WTF!! Anyhow put words in our mouths. He was the one who started it first. Yaya papaya confront us.
I want to bring a weapon on the next training where I can see him again. Wednesday I think. Hmm.. What should I bring?
Saturday, April 4, 2009
Had a friendly with the Young lions at Geylang field this afternoon. The wheather was so hot, I was half-dead at half time. Played 2 positions today. Centre-back and right-back, for the full 90 minutes. And I'd be crazy if I say wasn't tired. Final score, 1-1. Went flat at bed upon reaching home.
Mum, what's happening to you? This is not you. Please go back to normal. I've never been this worried for you before. Perhaps, it's karma? I've been worrying and troubling you for ages. Then, I'm sorry.
Wednesday, April 1, 2009
Played at right-back position during the training match against SIM. Coach bikin kekek! Since when did I play right back? I don't even look like one. So awkward. Okay la, ciri2 Sergio Ramos ade jugak. Easy game. Comfortable win. Quite fun.
Then met Phatz to go riding to Singapore Poly. Sneaked into the campus and found a lecture theatre to watch a 'horror' movie. Screen big big. Velly the shiok! The movie not even scary though. Then we found something even more exciting to do. A few SP students were camping and having their night walk so we scare the hell out them. And then two long hair girls scare us. Karma. Bastard sia.
Cycling back home was the worst part of the day though. So tiring. Reached at 6am but still no sleep. Met Arep to accompany him to polyclinic for MC and then he accompanied me to BBDC to enrol for my driving license. Still, managed to meet up my buddies and chill after that. And then I couldn't take it anymore. So I took a short nap in the afternoon. Puas hati!
Thanks, FAS, for the extra bucks but I still think it's not enough. Lokek!
I feel that I'm nobody. I've been quite busy. So occupied with so many things especially school and soccer. I spend so much time on my 'commitments' but without the will to really commit. Sometimes, I ask myself. Why do I spend so much time in school but not producing results? Why do I train almost everyday but fail to perform well for the team? And ironically, it seems like I don't care. How can I not care about my commitment, my passion? I drag myself to training and I drag myself to school everyday. I'm sick and tired of what I do best. I know my potential but when will I ever shine? Am I just wasting my time? Or maybe it just takes time?
Everything I do go to waste. Nothing seems to go my way lately. I save up just to see my money go missing. I trust a family member just to get betrayed. I go for trainings just to play half a match. I go to school just to get borderline passes for my modules. I tried my best to spend time with my loved ones just to hear them complaining that I'm neglecting them. What's next? My loved ones leaving me after all this while? Don't you think my life is so predictable? The same things happen over and over again. Or am I just being plain negative?
I am not who I wanted to be. Not yet.
Love knows no limits. True friendship lasts a lifetime.
Wednesday, April 22, 2009
I've found my favourite lecturer. His name is Mr Goh She Poh. He looks untidy and he has a stomach four times bigger than a size 5 ball, which makes it size 20. Woah! Big right?! He can't talk properly and he mumbles his words. I don't think his English is powerful cos I've never really understand what he was talking. I don't know if he is a qualified lecturer. I think he is. But he don't look like one or sound like one. How did he even managed to graduate with a degree? Or didn't he? He teaches Environmental Health Management, a stupid module. As stupid as Mr Goh himself. No, I'm not being bad. Seriously, he's stupid. This module he is teaching us is almost like primary school's Health Education. I think it's useless in the working industry. Mr Goh reminds me of Mr Bean. He is my favourite because I can laugh non-stop for the whole hour of his lesson, unlike other lecturers' lessons. Definitely looking forward to his next lesson. Damn, I should have taken a picture of him just now! Sorry guys. No picture. Maybe next time.
Had a 3 hours of break. Yes, 3 freaking hours! So in an effort to kill time, we went to RP for lunch. Ended up returning to Ngee Ann half an hour late for tutorial. While we were leaving RP, almost reaching the traffic light, a man followed from behind. We were lighting up our cigarettes. And then he pulled us aside. He wanted to fine us $200 each for lighting a cigarette in the campus. I swear I thought I was already out of the campus. He initially thought we were RP first year students. But when he found out that we are NP second year students, he insisted on forwarding the matter to Ngee Ann. Step fierce sumore! So we kept arguing and were given a chance. Pheww.. Mane nak cekop 200 ketol?!
Sukashi is a busy girl.
Monday, April 20, 2009
It's the first day of my second year in NP. Lessons start at 3pm today, fortunately. I wouldn't wake up in time if it had started so early in the morning. No tutorials this week, which means lecture, lecture, lecture and more lectures. Boring, boring, boring and more borings. Baring sua! Tido! So I spent 3 boring hours in school today. The lecturers for Project Management and Property Management are so boring. I don't mind boring lecturers who are bulliable. Cos bullying lecturers makes the lessons not so boring. But these 2 lecturers seemed to be unbulliable and they look so serious. Woahhhh.. I'm so gonna sleep in the lecture theatre everyday. Not a good start for me. I initially wanted to be more diligent this semester but I don't think I can. Can I? I can. I think.
That's not the only bad thing. They changed my class. Again. For heaven's sake, how many times do they have to change my class and in the end, I'll end up in the same class? This is the third time already! Now, I have to write in to the class advisor and if my appeal is successful, they'll have to re-schedule my time table and all. And then my attendance record will be disrupted. Extremely troublesome. God, why do things just don't seemed to go my way lately? What have I done? Okay, I know. Probably a lot. Bad boy, Fariss.
I didn't go for training today and I didn't inform Coach Salim. Nevermind. I don't think I care anymore.
I'm in financial crisis. Seriously. And I have to buy lecture notes, buy new pair of boots and I'm running out of clothes. I think I'm applying for the busary scholarship thing. But the application process is so troublesome. Wow. School troubles me. I really hate school. So much to do, so little time. Fuck education! No need to educate la!! I'm smart enough to live.
And ermm.. Can someone tell me what time am I supposed to go to shool tmr?
Sukashi, let's meet up some time. Laugh with me or something. Streessss...
Sunday, April 19, 2009
School starts in a few hours. I hate school and I'm not looking forward to it.
Saturday, April 18, 2009
This week, a record is broken. A World Guiness Record. I attended all 5 trainings in a week for the very first time. And yet the outcome is dissapointing.
I wasn't named in the first eleven for the second time already. It's frustrating. Extremely frustrating. And we have not acheived any victory after 4 prime league matches. I'm sick of travelling from one end to another end of the island every single day. I'm tired of being second choice. Sometimes I feel being in the team is not doing me any good. Sometimes I feel it will bring me future opportunities. What's my next move?
Thursday, April 16, 2009
80% Angel 20% Devil
Monday, April 13, 2009
It's amazing how things change so suddenly. One minute, you feel things are beginning to go your way and the next minute, you're in doubt.
Imagine. Imagine you're in a race. You're all pumped up for it, willing to do anything for the gold. So you ran with all your might and at the halfway mark, you're leading, leaving other competitors quite far behind. Your confidence starts building up. You know you've gone far and you must win it. And then so suddenly, at that halfway mark, comes another competitor with a fresh pair of legs and a fresh set of lungs. He only needs to run the remaining distance of the race. That's not fair. Especially to you. It's against the rules. You get really frustrated. Deep inside, you're begging for the officials to disqualify him. But you can't do much. The decision is not in your hands. What would you do?
You've done so well and you've gone so far. Would you just give up and earn nothing in the end? No. You keep running. Finish the race and keep your eyes and mind on the gold. Physically, you're weaker than the other. But at this point of time, it's not about your lungs and legs anymore. It's your heart. How strong is your heart? How much do you want the gold?
It used to be, "Slow and steady wins the race." Now, it's, "Keep running. Batman never gives up."
Genggam bara api biar sampai jadi arang.
Sunday, April 12, 2009
Sometimes I wonder why is it have to be you. You're the nicest person around, the wisest I've known. I often disobey you. I've been rebellious for years. I make you worry all the time. Now, It's the other way. Whenever I'm out, I'm worried for you. I can't even enjoy myself. I miss having a peaceful mind.
Mr Evil, whoever you are, you just won't give up, will you? You keep coming back. It's been about 9 days already. Now when willl this end? Please stop. Go far away and never return. I can't bear anymore.
You're the strongest person I know. You've gone through so much and you always manage to fight your way out. You'll make it through again, I'm very sure. "Sesungguhnya, orang yang beriman itu akan selalu diuji"
Friday, April 10, 2009
I think it was a good Friday indeed. Not very excellent but okay lah. Not bad. Time well spent.
After about 2 hours of sleep, I woke up really early in the morn and got ready for our trip to Sentosa. I've been anticipating it a bit cos we haven't hit the beach for quite some time already. We were probably the most kecoh group there, rowdy as usual although all of us have not really slept yet. Managed to come up with our own fun activities. I mean, of course. ArtPark SC always have something up our sleeves, without fail. I think I enjoyed spending some quality time with them. The only thing missing was Dam Sachieeuuk. Wasted. It would be fifty times more fun if he had joined us. These boys kept saying I haven't been spending much time with them lately but I totally disagree. Walau eh! Satu hari kalau tak jumpe pon tak boleh pe?!
I left early for training at Simei. By then, I was already too tired. Fell asleep in the train. Was already late and I missed one stop. Woah! Frustrating. Then I fell asleep again while I was on my way back to the other end of Singapore.
I want to be named in the starting line-up for tomorrow's game. But looks like I might not. URGH! Dudok bench, pantat boleh tumboh kurap sak!
Glad that she seems to be fine now. Tomorrow?
Wednesday, April 8, 2009
I woke up from sleep really early this morning to go to work. Thought it would be great to earn a few extra bucks since I haven't been working for a really long time. But work was hell tiring and it ended at about 5pm so I didn't go for training. Again. Carried lots of heavy stuffs for hours and in the midst of working I actually thought I shouldn't have worked. I was so exhausted, I fell asleep in the lorry on the way back.
And just when I thought the day couldn't be any worse, something happened. Okay, not something. A few things actually. And they are still bothering me right now. I shall not explain because it's so disturbing, some of you won't even believe it. Now I don't know what to do. Cos there's really nothing much I can do. I feel like running away, take the easy way out. God, please help us kill this problem before it creates further problems. Problems that will have an impact in my life, my future. What have I done to deserve this? A lot, I guess.
Can anyone put me to sleep? I'm so tired but I just can't sleep. Anyways, thank you, Sukashi for being there for me. You're the best. :)
Where are you? I think I need you. Take me away. Take me high to the sky. Let me fly. Then drown my sorrows. Drown them deep.
Monday, April 6, 2009
Went for training today. Coach arrived late. Very late! Make us wait like budak bodoh. Cb! Training supposed to start early and end early. But we came early and finished gym late. Coach's excuse: " My apologies for being late. I was in the middle of negotiations with an S.League club. I'm just left with signing the contract. So when your new coach takes over in June, I wish you all the best." OKAYGO! Bye!
After training, this National sprinter wanted to pick up a fight with us. Step terror la kirekan. I don't really know what it was all about but I saw the commotion so I joined in the 'fun'. He talked a lot but I saw no action. Was just waiting for him to throw the first punch so I could rembat him. Dah standby siang2. Dah lamer tak rembat orang. "Sebelum ape2, kau kenal tak aku siape?!" Woooaaaahhhh!! Budak taik bodoh kau! Banyak cakap je, tapi takde pape pon. Then he backed off so we left. Just when we we were walking away. My coach shouted for us to come back and explain. So loud, the whole ITE Simei could hear his voice. Then that guy gave excuses, "I wanted to say that we are all in the same team, representing the same country. We wear the same flag so there's no need to fight. And then the soccer guys said we don't give a damn." WTF!! Anyhow put words in our mouths. He was the one who started it first. Yaya papaya confront us.
I want to bring a weapon on the next training where I can see him again. Wednesday I think. Hmm.. What should I bring?
Saturday, April 4, 2009
Had a friendly with the Young lions at Geylang field this afternoon. The wheather was so hot, I was half-dead at half time. Played 2 positions today. Centre-back and right-back, for the full 90 minutes. And I'd be crazy if I say wasn't tired. Final score, 1-1. Went flat at bed upon reaching home.
Mum, what's happening to you? This is not you. Please go back to normal. I've never been this worried for you before. Perhaps, it's karma? I've been worrying and troubling you for ages. Then, I'm sorry.
Wednesday, April 1, 2009
Played at right-back position during the training match against SIM. Coach bikin kekek! Since when did I play right back? I don't even look like one. So awkward. Okay la, ciri2 Sergio Ramos ade jugak. Easy game. Comfortable win. Quite fun.
Then met Phatz to go riding to Singapore Poly. Sneaked into the campus and found a lecture theatre to watch a 'horror' movie. Screen big big. Velly the shiok! The movie not even scary though. Then we found something even more exciting to do. A few SP students were camping and having their night walk so we scare the hell out them. And then two long hair girls scare us. Karma. Bastard sia.
Cycling back home was the worst part of the day though. So tiring. Reached at 6am but still no sleep. Met Arep to accompany him to polyclinic for MC and then he accompanied me to BBDC to enrol for my driving license. Still, managed to meet up my buddies and chill after that. And then I couldn't take it anymore. So I took a short nap in the afternoon. Puas hati!
Thanks, FAS, for the extra bucks but I still think it's not enough. Lokek!
